We have often said it before; a lot of the
people who make paranormal claims on the internet are out for money. You
can find out the whole story about their abduction or their psychic powers if
you just "donate" a few meager dollars for their books, videos,
healing crystals, dirty underwear, etc. Nobody seems to exemplify this
better than a man named "micromike."
He describes himself as a philosopher.
When I was little, I once heard that great minds think and
talk of ideas, average minds think and talk of things, and small minds think and
talk of people. In that regard, I want to try to keep my sights set on those
things that are important.
Yeah, 'cause if you aren't a real
philosopher, at least you can pretend to be one!
micromike also makes it a point to let us
know how gosh-darn humble he is, because he puts a micro sign before his name:
The very form of the symbol signifies humbleness. Most
proper names start with a capital letter to signify the
importance of the name. But the lowly micro sign ( m ),
starts out below the "lines" and never rises to the
of a capital letter. This shows the desire of the philosopher
to be humble in his search for the truth and to never take
himself too seriously.
So as a philosopher, I would ask that you focus your
attention on my ideas and not on me as a human being on this planet.
If we were talking
about a philosopher, then I would agree with Mike on this. But when the
"philosopher" in question is also asking $1,000,000 for a bug he
found in a rock thirty years ago, I must ask questions.
You see, micromike was working at his
great-aunt's ranch in 1971, where he came upon a "meteorite."
Here is his recount:
It was in the middle of the winter in 1971 (I believe)
when we rounded a curve in the road and both immediately saw an object about
half a mile away. Both of us knew that it had not been there before and my aunt
asked me what it could be. The only thing I could think of was a meteorite,
since it hadn't been there yesterday or any of the hundreds of days before, so I
told her it was a meteorite. I asked if I could have it and she said yes, since
it was only a rock to her. But I had prayed as a child that God would send me
"a piece of space," so I took the whole event as an answer to my
Let's just look a bit more closely at this.
This rock is a meteorite for the following reasons:
1. He and his aunt did not remember it
2. He told his aunt that it was a
3. He prayed to God that he would get a
"piece of space."
Well, it's a good thing the rock was found
by a "man of science!"
Just to be even more irreverent, here are
reasons why these three "proofs" are not adequate evidence:
1. Just because they didn't remember it
being there does not mean it came from space.
2. Words themselves do not cause a quantum
rearrangement of the molecular makeup and geological history of rocks to fit the
speaker's intentions. That is, as far as we know.
3. God doesn't answer prayers.
How do I know? Because when I was young, I would pray every night that God
would send me a G.I. Joe hovercraft toy for Christmas. I mean, I really
wanted that thing, I even had a particularly disappointing dream where I got it
for my birthday. But I never got it. Also, a rock is not part of
space, in the literal sense. Actually, it is, if you consider everything
in existence a "part of space." These are philosophical
questions...you'd think Mr. Micro would have figured them out by now!
Well, I wish Mr. Micro would have made our
job easier by just sticking to the above reasons, but he had to go and get a
real scientist to look at it.
Not that his results are conclusive, mind
you. They point to evidence that the rock might be from Mars. Well,
Mike points to evidence that the rock might be from Mars. He had companies
determine the date and chemical
composition of the rock, but the conclusions are his.
Here's one more observation of the rock:
The rock is very delicate. A core sample was obtained by
driving a piece of 1/2" copper tubing into the rock. I could have easily
driven the tubing completely through the rock. The internal structure is such
that most of the walls between the vesicles are paper thin and are very weak.
Imagine a 50 million year old rock that is so delicate one can break most of the
inner walls with only a finger nail as a tool.
Then how the heck could it have survived
entry into the earth's atmosphere!? We don't mean the heat part...(Mike
actually tries to explain that here)...we
mean the impact of it hitting the surface. Wouldn't that have destroyed
Needless to say, there isn't much in the
way of actual science on Mike's page. It's mostly a lot of "take this
as fact because I say it is," kind of stuff.
[the following is part 2...part 1 was
micromike is a man
of science. You see, he prayed to God that He would send young Mikey
a "piece of space." Lo and behold, some years later, Mikey finds
a rock on his aunt's ranch and deduces that it's an honest-to-God "piece
of space." He comes to this conclusion based on a) the fact that
he had never seen it before, b) he believes that God answered his prayers.
Did we mention that he calls himself "a man of science?"
You see that he's pointing
at that stick up there? Well, that stick signifies his theory on
Life, the Universe and Everything, but it's so convoluted and twisty that
we can't figure it out. But it has something to do with that stick
and the fact that it fit perfectly into a rock he found while hiking.
He also considers this incident an act of God.
We mentioned yesterday
(ok, it was more like Monday)
that micromike was different from most of the Weirdos we profile and discuss
here at the skeptic. He is.
For one, he isn't satisfied
to just be a bit off-center and share it with everyone else through the
internet. He also seems to think that the internet is the ultimate
cash cow; take a look at his sales site called The
Gravity Store (presumably called such because they would sell gravity
if they thought people would pay for it). When micromike peddles
for money, he makes it seem like he's doing it out of some capitalistic
necessity, or that he's discovered some kind of ultra-philosophical excuse
for selling crap. Exhibit A:
Human beings like to collect
all kinds of things that have some intangible value that is outside the
materials and shapes of the object. Therefore, I have decided to
"play" in this game by offering a number of collectable items that will
be very limited in quantity, and therefore will eventually have greater
That's not even the half
He wants to sell his autograph,
too. For $50. David Duchovny, who has been closer to alien
life than micromike ever will be, sells his own autograph for that much,
you get a photo. He's also a television star. Here's Mike's excuse:
As long as I'm struggling and humanity hasn't
recognized my true benefit, I will offer
autographs for sale at $50. These signatures
will be legible, much as the one here. Each
one will be hand written, not computer
generated. But after I become known, most of
my autographs will be my standard autograph,
which is basically unreadable.
We see here Mr. Micro's true
colors for the first time (though he has hinted at it before). He
really, really, really wants to be famous. He may play it off in
that blasť "what comes, what comes" attitude, but he's pretty transparent.
I guess we're all going to have to realize his "true benefit" sometime soon
or he's not going to shut up. What is his true benefit, anyway?
Oh, it must be to take peoples' money for his crap!
He also wishes to sell the
magazine in which his article on his meteorite appeared, for $250.
It also seems to be the only magazine to publish him. He says
that people should buy it because it has a photo of him without a beard,
and that'll probably be worth something, too, since he has a beard now.
He's also selling silverware
that happened to be being used at the Frass Ranch, where the meteorite
"landed." For $100. EACH.
What's even more disgusting
is that he sells licenses for the photos on his page...including some
candid photos of his family.
Oh, and he also sells tiny
chunks of the rock for upwards of $2500 each. But even that
ain't the half of it.
Take a look at this.
According to micromike, it
is an insect from Mars. Here is his entomological report:
This object has three
body parts and six legs, much like terrestrial insects. However,
the object doesn't seem to have any eyes or other specialization on its
head, except for the two large antennae and something hanging down on the
bottom of its head.. Another object from the Frass Meteorite (Spidy)
that still has its head intact, also doesn't appear to have any eyes.
My guess, at this point, is that the Martian atmosphere was pretty thick
and hazy and not much light actually made it to the surface of Mars and
thus eyes, as we know them, never developed on Mars. Maybe instead
of the red planet, we might need to call Mars the dark planet.
Sure, we all learned to call a hypothesis an "educated guess," but nowhere
in any of my science classes did a teacher or a textbook say: "yeah, just
go ahead and say you guess about stuff, because then they can't accuse
you of lying." It looks like micromike was reading a different textbook.
BUT micromike does have a BS in Zoology from Texas Tech. Does
this in any way lend him any kind of trustworthiness? Nope.
But it gives him a modicum of scientific knowledge. Not that he's
under any obligation to use it.
Anyway, he has this bug that
he affectionately calls "Blindy," presumably because it has no discernable
And it is this, ladies and
gentlemen, that separates our Mr. Micro from Every Other Wacko. We've
already seen that this "man of science" is trying to get poor saps' money
any way he can. Now he's going for the rich saps. He has it
on Ebay, and wants upwards of $1,000,000. He's pretty serious.
if you don't believe me.
Here's what he has to say
that pretty much sums up how we feel about him:
I have the evidence
that this rock is extraterrestrial, I just don't have the "opinions" of
the meteorite "experts."
AH, so essentially Mike's
telling us that he doesn't have "proof" that his rock is from "Mars."
Yeah, and I swear I'm an alien from Neptune, but I don't have the "proof"
from "scientists." You should just trust my scientific knowledge.
Yeah, we're pretty angry
with Mike at this point. But it's not because of his beliefs, or
his ideas, or even those crazy theories. It's because it really seems
like he's trying to scam people. He has absolutely no
proof that "Blindy" is a Martian insect, let alone that his beloved rock
is from anywhere outside Texas. We wish we could put some kind of
witty remark here at the end, but our blood is boiling.