The Geller Prophecies
(?) January 5th, 2001

Every psychic worth his beans makes predictions when the ball drops (or before).  If a prediction turns out to be correct, then this successful hit increases their stature as a medium.  If the world worked the way it should, then a miss (or completely wrong prophecy) would mark against them.  Unfortunately, that's not the case.  

For instance, Uri Geller predicted that Al Gore would become President of the United States.  This prediction took place around 1983, so Geller stands by it even now.  According to him (and to his deepest hopes, I'm sure), it will become true at some time in the future, despite Gore's assurances that he would not be running in the national election again.  

Even so, that doesn't stop Geller from making even more prophecies for the coming year.  But where most prophecies are inclined to short statements of future events, Geller takes a different route.  Here are some excerpts, from a transcript:

So, I believe that within the coming 50-60-70 years, we will actually be able to teleport objects. I know it sounds far out and very science fictiony, but it is going to be a tangible matter.

There's also some annoying anchorperson banter:

ALLEN: Wow. WATERS: I'll go if it'll get me around the traffic jams.

ALLEN: Believe me, he would.


Here's another prediction:

I predict that probably 50 years from now, there will be 12 billion people, and that -- that is a horrifying aspect because we will have to feed 12 billion people, and unfortunately, we will have to cut down rain forest in order to create land to use agriculture to grow food.

And another:

10, 15 years from now, scientists will actually be able to create and build nanorobots. They will be no bigger than 1.5 billionth of a meter. These nanorobots will be injected into our body, and they will be programmed to destroy cancerous tumors, to unblock blocked arteries and so forth.

And another:

But I think that we will be able to detect certain waves or frequencies that will reach us from deep outside the universe, and we will how to decipher the message and hopefully we'll be able to use it for our benefit. So, yes in, the coming 100 years, there will be some type of an extra-terrestrial connection.

Here's the rub: these aren't predictions in the usual psychic sense.  If we do invent nanobots, will that lead Geller to then claim that he predicted it, and thus cement his reputation as a mentalist?  It doesn't take a psychic to predict that the world will be overpopulated in fifty years.  

These aren't psychic predictions.  They're fanciful speculations, the kind of which science fiction fans, writers and pundits have been espousing for decades.  By cleverly mixing his weirdo prophecies with likely scientific advancements, and giving himself a hundred year window for which the prediction to come true, Geller is setting himself up as a prophet of what's-to-come.   

Here's a prediction of my own: within 150 years, everyone currently living on the planet will be dead.  Maybe even sooner than that.

Call me Nostradamus. 



June 11th, 2001

A Million Damn Dollars
May 31st, 2001

Government Stooges
May 13th, 2001